Category: mental health

I found hope in a hopeless space

prettylittleleila3 Comments

No matter the circumstances, as long as we have hope, we can survive them. And that is the most difficult thing that I have found during 2020, is that I had no plans, no certainty, nothing to look forward to, and all I was left with were feelings of hopelessness.

But coming into 2021, which is feeling a lot like 2020, the sequel, I needed a mind shift. I needed to find hope in hopeless situations. The pandemic is causing us to do some serious soul searching, it’s taking away the things that make us human, like our connections with other humans, our freedom to roam and explore our worlds.

flower growing through crack in concrete

I have decided that this year, I will try and focus on the silver linings. One thing that the pandemic has given me is the blessing of family time. As a working mom, I very rarely spend a lot of time with my children outside of the weekend, but I was lucky enough to have time with them at home. We were able to do yoga routines, and artwork together, and jump on the trampoline. I have been grateful to be able to watch them grow up and learn, and change as the year wore on.

I have also been granted more time to incorporate more reflective activities into my day. Last year, I started morning pages, which has been a great way to start my day, through journaling. It’s like clearing out my thoughts so that I can focus, and be mindful of the day ahead.

Because of the isolation, and uncertainty of the pandemic, I have suffered quite badly with anxiety and depression, but the silver lining here is that I have more time to practice yoga, and spend more time in meditation, which I wouldn’t be able to do if I was working from the office. And I’ve managed to incorporate these activities into my day so that I do at least 5 minutes of yoga and 5 minutes of meditation every day, and these have aided in me being more mindful and remaining in the present.

Person between barren land, and lush grass

Activities that really help me out when I feel numb and withdrawn from the world are reading and writing. Writing, particularly, because it’s such a big part of who I am, and because I feel so passionately about writing, and because I feel energized once I have spent some time writing. I have had more time during my day because I am not commuting as much, I have been able to carve out time to write more.

Because I do not need to wake up as early to get to gym, to get home in time for the school run to get to work in time, I have more time in the evenings, and have been able to spend more time reading. Admittedly, when my depression is really bad, I struggle with this, but my workaround for this is to either use audiobooks, or alternatively choose books that I am able to get lost in quite easily.

Painting of "hope is the thing with feathers"

This year, I want to spend more time on creative pursuits, like writing, and photography, and also to just be in the moment with my kids so more dance parties, and more playtime. And this year, instead of being so isolated, I want to reach out to my friends, because even when I do not feel like surrounding myself with people, I always feel better afterwards.

No matter what you need to do to find your hope in what may seem like a hopeless situation, I encourage you to do it. it doesn’t have to be big. Some days, all it is is getting out of bed, or cooking a meal. Other days, it’s running 5km, or finishing the book you’re reading.

Let’s refocus this year, and find our hope.

"once you choose hope, anything's possible" Christopher Reeve

New year, same old me

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It is incredibly hard to set goals during a pandemic. How do you make plans and set intentions for an uncertain future? And, therein lies the beauty of setting powerful goals. Because when there is nothing external to yourself to aspire to, or to covet, or for external validation, all there is, is what is within you.

I stopped making New Years Resolutions about ten years ago, because I felt like calling them that set me up for failure. I started focusing on the six areas of my life, and set goals within these areas. For example, health and fitness, spiritual, career, intellectual, social, and so forth. And last year, I took it to the next level, by incorporating all of this into a bullet journal to help me track progress. And then the pandemic hit. And all planners became obsolete.

But, at the end of last year, I still, in hope, bought my usual planners, including a new Bullet Journal for 2021. And I used the concept of the “Level 10 life” to set up my goals for the year. One of the gifts the pandemic has granted me, has been time for reflection. I usually fill my life with busy activities, and plan every moment of my life. I haven’t been able to do that. So I have been able to use my time better, and I realized, that what I actually want is to slow down, and engage, and be mindful, play with my kids, and not focus on the side hustle, and always being excessively productive.

The world is so focused on being busy, and doing all the things. That we forget to stop and appreciate all of the things. Lockdown has gifted us with the time to be able to appreciate the ‘small things’, such as connecting with friends and family.  

So how does that impact on setting goals for a New Year? I started by listing all the areas of my life, from spirituality, to family to career and social life. I then looked at each, and rated them on how much focus I have been able to give them, and after this I could see which areas of my life needed more of my attention. I admit that this sounds quite complicated, but the idea is that you focus on an area of your life that you feel you have neglected, instead of setting hard targets, like “lose 10kg” or “complete marathon”.

Viewing goal setting this way enables us to not be so hard on ourselves, and not have hard targets to be achieving by the end of the year. A goal can be to rest more, which is something I need to do. I need to be more comfortable with doing nothing, while resting and recharging. This way of planning for the year enables us to set more gentle goals for the year, like rest, connection, be kind to yourself, spend time outside, have fun.

I suggest that when you look at what you want to achieve this year, that you consider what it is that you, yourself, are longing for, and focus on that. It doesn’t have to be an external goal like losing weight, running a marathon, because that’s what this pandemic has taught me. That I’ve been too focused on external validation, and what I need to achieve to feel better.

This year, let’s focus on our dreams, and what we need for ourselves, and not reaching some imagined target. This year instead of hustling hard, I’m going to rest hard, and be productive at mindfulness, and slowing down.