Dear present me,

Yes, you feel hopeless, and yes you feel trapped and like nothing is changing. You consistently scream out “when do I catch a break, life?”. Life is hard (not generically), but your life is hard. And I see you running out of energy to get through each day. I see you crying while driving to work. I see you fighting back the tears, and instead dancing and singing with your kids in the car, trying to find moments of joy amidst your sadness.

And in these moments where you don’t want to wake up in the morning, I want you to remember the people that do want you to wake up. You may feel lonely, and I see that, but there are people who don’t want to live without you. And when you feel like this, it’s hard to see the people whose faces light up when they see you. But they are there.

And all I want to say to you, is that if you can just push through these feelings, and try and focus on the next 5 minutes only. Take a moment to breathe, and listen to your breath enter your body, feel it flow through your lungs, move through your body, and then feel it leave, with all the toxins, and all the challenging feelings. Feel the release of the heaviness, even if it’s just for these 5 minutes, and you have to try again later.

Continue to find those moments of joy in your day. Sing out loud in the car. Dance with your kids. Do some night time yoga. Watch some silly, irreverent, TV. Go for a coffee. Play tennis. Meet a friend. Go swimming. Journal. Read. Colour. Write. Ask for help.

Whatever you do, or feel, drag yourself into these things that bring you enjoyment. The point of them is just to bring you outside of your head. Where it is not dark, where it just is. And to bask in just being for a moment.

From,

Future me

SADAG suicide hotline. Available 24 hours, in 11 languages: 0800 567 567