My Imposter Syndrome is so bad, that I didn’t even think I was good enough to have a mental health condition.

I remember the first time I met my psychologist, and she asked why I was there, and I told her, “You know… Champagne problems”. Despite, in the same year, getting retrenched while on maternity leave, having a pregnancy where my son was at risk of heart failure, then being born with a hole in his heart. Those really are not Champagne problems. But I didn’t think I deserved to have mental illness. 

And then when she took my history and I revealed my parent’s divorce, my mother’s miscarriages, growing up with a father in a different city, being born during Apartheid, losing my grandfather whom I was close to, changing schools at age 9, and going to a school that was formerly a Model C and being one of very few girls of colour, having a minor operation including going under general anaesthetic, and that was just ages 3-9. So these are not Champagne problems – these give me a score of 8/10 on the ACE test (that measures trauma).

What I later realised was that I went to therapy because I had serious self-love challenges, and we worked on getting me to not think of myself as an unlovable screw up for the first few months. And when we spoke about relationships and friendships, she would also tell me that I have these great characteristics, that would make a great friend. And I remember a year in, saying to her, “Do you get why I’m an unlovable screw-up yet?” No, she didn’t. And that is what Imposter Syndrome does. 

It makes you believe that you are not as amazing, as you actually are. 

Imposter syndrome is defined as having self-doubt of your intelligence, skills and abilities, and achievements. Even if you have achieved things in the past, if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, you are unable to internalise those achievements as an indication of your abilities. So what happens is that you believe that even if other people believe that you are a success right now, eventually they will realise that you are actually a fraud and not as great as they previously believed.

Imposter syndrome holds you back from the self-confidence that you deserve, based on all the efforts you have put in to achieve what you have achieved, no matter how big or small these goals or achievements are. 

Recognising imposter syndrome in yourself (Verywellmind.com): 

• Being unable to realistically view your skills
• Attributing all your success to external factors
• Always feeling as though your performance was not good enough
• Fearing that you cannot live up to expectations
• Being an overachiever
• Being a self-sabotager
• Having self-doubt (especially if those around you wonder why)
• Setting very challenging goals and feeling like a failure when you are unable to achieve them

So what do you do, if you think that you have Imposter Syndrome? You need to acknowledge that the reason you are experiencing self-doubt relates back to your feelings of self-worth and your core beliefs about yourself. What narratives are you telling yourself about who you are? 

Here are some tips for combating your imposter syndrome:

• Listen to the voice that is telling you that you are not good enough – you need to be aware of when it is speaking up. (you don’t have to believe it, you just have to acknowledge it’s there)
• Realistically consider the evidence for your self-doubt. One suggestion is to write down evidence that you are inadequate in one column, and in the other column, evidence that you are competent. 
• Review your values, because Imposter Syndrome is focused on achievement orientation, which is great as long as it’s not impacting you negatively – and self-doubt is a reason to relook your values, and focus on things that are not overly achievement focused
• Consider your definition of growth and what it means to you – if your perfectionism as a result of imposter syndrome is stopping you from improving, or growing or changing because you are afraid of making a mistake, it’s time to reframe what that means to you. Are you growing? 
• Get out of your head – write down all the thoughts about your perceived failures, or chat through them with a friend, or professional. It can help to to get a different perspective. 
• Have self-compassion for yourself, and that voice in your head. It’s been through a lot to have to protect itself with self-doubt. Try not to beat yourself up for feeling like a fake. You know why you doubt yourself now, so now you can work on it, and give yourself credit for working on yourself.
• Know that failure is a part of life. Reframe how you feel about failure, there is no learning if there is no failing, and considering personal growth from this perspective can help you accept failure as part of the effort, instead of fearing it. 
• Mindfulness helps you to be in the present moment, to acknowledge your thoughts, consider why you think them, and to accept the feelings around the thoughts. Spending some time in meditation each day helps us become aware of ourselves and feelings and helps us be in the moment instead of being overly focused on the future or obsessing about the past. 
• Get feedback from people in your support network – people whose opinions you can trust, and know that they want what is best for you. 

At the end of the day, know that you have value, and that when we measure our value against external things that could change, it tends to lead to more moments of self-doubt. We need to learn to accept ourselves for who we are and acknowledge that we have value, regardless of what is valued by society and the world around us. 

Resources used in this post:

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-imposter-syndrome-and-how-to-avoid-it

https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469